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Cancer complications, hope, and Olivia Newton-John's "Magic."

5/21/2018

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It has now been over three months since the mother of all surgeries.   I am doing well in terms of overall energy and lack of pain.   However, my quality of life is marginal given my iatrogenic VVF bladder defect.  When they told me I will have to live this way for 7 more months, I went as low into despair as I have ever been on this journey.  But I know I must fight this desolation – otherwise, I will go under.  And I cannot go under.

So we are proceeding with summer plans, which involves camping in our little trailer and our river cruise in Paris.  I am hoping that I can manage these adventures, given the defect and the oral chemo I am on.  Last time I was on this drug I developed “hand and foot syndrome,” in which the soles of the feet become so hot they blister and peel.  To help forestall this problem, we have invested in a transport chair – sort of a stroller for adults.  It will help me get around Paris without taxing my feet.  And Andrew, ever the engineer, is installing an electric assist on our bicycles.   It feels good to have some enjoyable things to look forward to, no matter how blighted I am.

As for the bladder defect, the NS urologist is of the opinion that an open abdominal repair is too risky, and instead wants to give me a permanent urostomy.  A local urogynecologist has said she can repair it, but I would be left with a vagina only one inch long.  Not great choices.

But a wonderful option for a second opinion has come about through warm, spooky Facebook magic!  Learning of my plight on FB, a woman with the same rare name as my mother (Janette) texted her own surgeon, a pelvic reconstruction expert of great renown in Dallas Texas.  He agreed to review my records – and low and behold HE CALLED ME AT HOME!!!  We spoke for about an hour, and he was every bit as knowledgeable and compassionate as his devoted fans said he was.  His patients in Dallas love him and believe in him so much that they have offered to put me up in their houses!!!!  Not only that, but this doctor is a dead ringer for Mark Dorreen, beloved oncologist of The Cancer Olympics fame.   So I will be flying to Dallas in late June for a consult.  Of course, he cannot commit if he can help me until he sees me.  If I can be repaired, I cannot have it done before October, after my chemotherapy has ended.  The Dallas doctor said he would never have me fly all that way and spend all that money if he were not optimistic he could repair me in a less invasive and catastrophic way.  I wept with relief.

It is coming on time for Relay for Life! Hoping you all can make donations.  To do so, click here. You will get an online tax receipt right away.

And today’s song? “Magic” was Olivia Newton-John’s hit from her 1980 soundtrack album Xanadu.   It was her first chart-topping song before her greatest hit, 1981’s “Physical.”   Spending five weeks at the top of the US charts, it is her greatest Adult Contemporary hit single to date – and she holds 4 Grammys.  Just weeks prior to his death, John Lennon named “Magic” as one of his favourite songs of that year.

This song can have several meanings.  Some take to mean that the singer’s self-esteem is pushing him or her on to greater things.  Some think it reflects the words and intentions of a devoted spouse.  Others say that it is about a spirit guide, or guardian angel.  I like all those interpretations; but most of all, I like its dreamy exaltation, and its re-invocation of joyful teenage moments.

As many know, Olivia Newton-John had a recurrence of her breast cancer after 25 years remission.  I am not the only one who has a freakish cancer course.   Today I hope that her own song can serve as her own inspiration, as it does for me and millions of others.

Come take my hand
You should know me
I've always been in your mind
You know I will be kind
I'll be guiding you

Building your dream has to start now
There's no other road to take
You won't make a mistake
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe we are magic
Nothin' can stand in our way
You have to believe we are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray

And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

From where I stand, you are home free
The planets align so rare
There's promise in the air
And I'm guiding you


Through every turn I'll be near you
I'll come anytime you call
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe we are magic
Nothin' can stand in our way
You have to believe we are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray

And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

You have to believe we are magic
Nothin' can stand in our way
You have to believe we are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray

And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive


For you



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Cancer malpractice justice and Coldplay's "Everything's not lost."

5/1/2018

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I am now sharing about something I have never talked about on this blog.  I can now announce at last that for the past seven years, I have been in litigation against Doctors One, Two, Three, and Four.  The Cancer Olympics describes their conduct, which resulted in a two-year delay in my cancer diagnosis.  I was represented by the avuncular Ray Wagner of Wagner’s Law Firm and his smart-as-a-whip co-counsel Kate Boyle.  The CMPA, the insurance company that defends all doctors in Canada, were unable in all that time to find one expert able to defend the standard of care I received.  So they asked to mediate.  I can now announce at last the case has settled out of court for a to-be-undisclosed amount. 

My cancer recurrence changed the scope of damages in the case.  But it also painted me in a corner.  I would not be well enough, because of chemotherapy and a late January surgery, to endure the 18-day trial scheduled for April.   So I was forced by my health and by my own mistakes at mediation to settle for 63% of the actual value of the case.   Of that amount, I see only 59%, as the rest goes to the lawyers, the insurance companies, and the taxman.

I must tell you that medical malpractice law is not for sissies.  The story of the lawsuit is as wild a tale as the medical story that spawned it.  It was full of suspense:  hours of hard work and research peppered with great lurches forward and backward, and happenings that that ran the full gamut of human emotion.  There were sudden reversals, brinkmanship, rescues, and rapprochement.  There were brilliant and conscientious experts, and there were disgraceful charlatans (such as the expert who sent us in writing, only days before a settlement discussion, his blithe announcement that he had submitted an opinion to the court but had not actually read the case materials!)  Readers of The Cancer Olympics will be touched to hear that I was saved at the 11th hour by Dr. Mark Dorreen, the hero of my past.  His unwavering opinion that I had been an early stage case when I first presented to Doctors One, Two, and Three was the first of several such expert opinions that eventually turned the tide for me.

Emotionally, although it required creativity, stamina, and perseverance on my part, I experienced the suit as helpful to my coping, even foundational to it.  It rallied me.   And if I had to do it all over again, I would do it.   If people with stories like mine do not come forward to lawyers, society will never change.

So what song do I use for this experience?  “Everything’s Not Lost” from Coldplay’s 2000 Grammy-winning album Parachutes is a stirring anthem about helping an underdog.   It is widely considered Coldplay’s “Hey Jude.”  Starting  with a relaxed and assured opening, it then builds to a powerful crescendo.  The singer offers his skills and abilities (his “demons”) to help someone in extremis.   So today, this song goes out in gratitude to Ray Wagner and his team, for his seven eventful years of work on my behalf.
 
When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulder
I drove the other ones away
 
So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost
 
When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
Everybody’s out to get you
Don’t you let it drag you down
 
‘Cause if you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost
 
If you ever feel neglected
If you think all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

 
Sing out, yeah
Oh oh yeah
Everything’s not lost
 
Come on, yeah
Oh oh, yeah
Come on, yeah
Everything’s not lost
Come on, yeah
Everything’s not lost
Sing out, yeah
Come on, yeah
Sing out, yeah
 
Everything’s not lost

 
 


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    Robin McGee: psychologist, author,
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