I am undergoing chemotherapy Cycle Number Three. All I can do is shudder.
Cycle Two was tough. Much tougher than the first cycle. The fatigue was crushing, dizzying, mind-numbing. The GI disturbance lasted the entire cycle. The Vectibix rash is so hot and painful that my face bleeds. Mouth sores have set in, making eating a challenge. By the last day of the cycle, I am about 75% human. It can go down to 25% on the bad days.
One more cycle, and then I have a scan to determine if the chemo is working at all. If it is, perhaps three more cycles. If not: well, that does not bear thinking about right now.
Often, my mind goes to the doctors whose neglect resulted in my catastrophic outcome. The first chapter of The Cancer Olympics is free online. It generates a lot of intense reactions. Some physicians have responded saying that it is the worst story of medical malpractice they have ever heard. Ordinary people react with shock, fear, and disgust. I was particularly gratified by this post on The Cancer Olympics Facebook page: “RAGE! That is what I feel after Chapter One. I hope you sued TF out of each one of those four miserable, pathetic, full of themselves, worthless, wretched dumbasses.” Feel free to Like that comment!
Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” from her 2011 Album 21 expresses a powerful anger, raw hurt, profound loss, and a cry for revenge. Apparently, she wrote it only hours after separating from the man who had scorned her. The song reached number one in 11 countries and the top five in many more regions. It was Adele's first number-one song in the United States, remaining at the top of Billboard for seven weeks. “Rolling in the Deep" received three Grammy Awards for Record of the Year, Song of the Year and Best Short Form Video. I was astonished at how much everyone responded to it. It seemed to strike a huge chord with audiences. To me, its worldwide resonance says something about the number of hurt and betrayed people out there. Most of us have been badly burned by someone.
So today’s musical selection goes out to Doctor’s One, Two, Three, and Four, whose irresponsibility and indifference caused me to lose my health, my career, my income, and my life:
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, it's bringing me out the dark.
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare
See how I leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it, to the beat
Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one on you
And I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Make a home down there
As mine sure won't be shared.
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it, with a beating
Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow
We could have had it all
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played it to the beat.
Cycle Two was tough. Much tougher than the first cycle. The fatigue was crushing, dizzying, mind-numbing. The GI disturbance lasted the entire cycle. The Vectibix rash is so hot and painful that my face bleeds. Mouth sores have set in, making eating a challenge. By the last day of the cycle, I am about 75% human. It can go down to 25% on the bad days.
One more cycle, and then I have a scan to determine if the chemo is working at all. If it is, perhaps three more cycles. If not: well, that does not bear thinking about right now.
Often, my mind goes to the doctors whose neglect resulted in my catastrophic outcome. The first chapter of The Cancer Olympics is free online. It generates a lot of intense reactions. Some physicians have responded saying that it is the worst story of medical malpractice they have ever heard. Ordinary people react with shock, fear, and disgust. I was particularly gratified by this post on The Cancer Olympics Facebook page: “RAGE! That is what I feel after Chapter One. I hope you sued TF out of each one of those four miserable, pathetic, full of themselves, worthless, wretched dumbasses.” Feel free to Like that comment!
Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” from her 2011 Album 21 expresses a powerful anger, raw hurt, profound loss, and a cry for revenge. Apparently, she wrote it only hours after separating from the man who had scorned her. The song reached number one in 11 countries and the top five in many more regions. It was Adele's first number-one song in the United States, remaining at the top of Billboard for seven weeks. “Rolling in the Deep" received three Grammy Awards for Record of the Year, Song of the Year and Best Short Form Video. I was astonished at how much everyone responded to it. It seemed to strike a huge chord with audiences. To me, its worldwide resonance says something about the number of hurt and betrayed people out there. Most of us have been badly burned by someone.
So today’s musical selection goes out to Doctor’s One, Two, Three, and Four, whose irresponsibility and indifference caused me to lose my health, my career, my income, and my life:
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, it's bringing me out the dark.
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare
See how I leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it, to the beat
Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one on you
And I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Make a home down there
As mine sure won't be shared.
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it, with a beating
Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow
We could have had it all
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played it to the beat.
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