The Cancer Olympics
  • About the Book
  • News/Blog
  • About the Author
    • Press about Robin McGee
    • Videos about Robin McGee
  • Contact
  • Reviews
  • Where to Order

Facing scan-anxiety: small acts of hope and defiance

12/12/2016

Comments

 
Picture
Tomorrow is my five-year CT scan.  Two days later is my five-year scope. 

My rational mind knows that these tests are simply pictures of my reality.  And rationally, I know that whatever they reveal I will somehow cope.

But my subconscious mind has other ideas.  It screams “NO! NO!” and recruits every cell in my body to push back.  It pummels me at night with bad dreams.  It ignites those flight-or-fight neurons, lighting them up like my Christmas tree.

To be a cancer survivor is to live forever in between the world of the sick and the well.  You are not in active treatment – but then again, never again can you live unselfconsciously among the healthy.  For me, this limbo feels like a true abyss, as my mother had a fatal recurrence of her colorectal cancer after 14 years remission.  I never can think of myself as "cured."

The cancer deaths of others grieve and oppress me.  My brother-in-law Gerry Porter died last week of brain cancer, only 54.  Larry Broadfield, my mentor through survivorship and an integral figure to the story behind The Cancer Olympics, died in October. 

So how does one go forward?  I reflect that I am lucky to have made it as far as I have.   In 2010, I was facing a grim prognosis – at one point, estimated to be only a 4% chance of living the next five years.   I tried to defy those bleak odds by small acts of hope.  That Christmas, I put away five tree removal bags in my Christmas boxes.   Yesterday, when decorating said Christmas tree, I found the fifth one.  It made me smile.
​
So how will I cope with scan-anxiety through this week, as I face my upcoming tests?

I plan to go out and buy another five Christmas tree removal bags.     

Comments

    Archives

    December 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    May 2022
    March 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    December 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    October 2016
    August 2016
    May 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014

    Categories

    All

    Author

    Robin McGee: psychologist, author,
    and survivor.

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly